Short answer: “The one” mentality, the belief that a single predestined partner exists for you, quietly damages Gen Z relationships by inflating expectations, masking red flags, and fuelling FOMO. A 2023 Pew Research study found 70% of Gen Z cite mental health as a major concern, and romantic perfectionism stacks onto that load. The fix isn’t cynicism. It’s choosing a partner deliberately, around shared values, communication and mutual growth, instead of waiting for fate.
Letting go of the soulmate myth and embracing real relationships
Chasing a fantasy in the age of filters
Growing up on fairytales, Bollywood rom-coms and Netflix dramas, many of us were quietly taught to believe in “the one.” A single, magical person destined to complete us. For generations, this idea floated around like romantic gospel. But in the age of unmatched dating apps, mental health struggles and personal growth movements, Gen Z is slowly waking up to the toxic side of the ideal.
The fantasy still holds emotional appeal. The pressure it creates can be overwhelming though. And for Gen Z, already navigating economic instability, digital overload and social change, this mindset is especially damaging.
What is “the one” mentality, really?
At its core, “the one” mentality is the belief that a single person out there is your perfect match, predestined to love you unconditionally, fulfil every emotional need, and make life magically better.
Sounds dreamy, sure. Here’s the catch: it places love in the realm of destiny, not decision-making. And for a generation that values autonomy, self-discovery and emotional intelligence, that belief is more limiting than liberating.
Gen Z’s shift: from soulmate to shared values
Unlike older generations, Gen Z is redefining what love looks like. Instead of hunting for a fairy-tale match, they’re searching for something more grounded:
- Alignment with values and goals: Gen Z craves relationships where both partners support each other’s dreams and stand for similar beliefs, be it feminism, sustainability, or mental health awareness.
- Mutual growth: They understand that no one is born to complete them. A healthy partner should add to their lives, not define them.
- Emotional authenticity: Transparency, vulnerability and communication are non-negotiables. Fluff and perfection? Not so much.
As 24-year-old Priya, a graphic designer from Bangalore, puts it, “I used to think love was about finding ‘the one.’ But now I realise it’s about finding someone who grows with me, not someone who saves me.”
What’s wrong with believing in “the one”?
1. Crippling pressure and unrealistic expectations
Social media fuels the fantasy. Instagram couples post #couplegoals reels, carefully curated to look effortless. TikTok features montages of perfect vacations and proposal stories. The result? We start believing love must look, feel and perform perfectly. At all times.
The illusion adds a crushing layer of pressure:
- What if I settle?
- What if I miss my one true chance?
- Why hasn’t it happened for me yet?
These questions don’t encourage connection, they induce anxiety. And for Gen Z, who report higher levels of anxiety and depression than any previous generation, the emotional toll is real.
According to a 2023 Pew Research study, Gen Z is the most stressed-out generation, with 70% citing mental health as a major concern. Add romantic pressure to that and it’s a recipe for burnout.
2. Toxic comparison and FOMO
The myth of “the one” makes us think our relationships should measure up to others’. Every relationship is unique though, and so is every struggle. Comparing your real-life love to someone else’s highlight reel often leads to dissatisfaction, doubt and low self-esteem.
You’ve probably done it. Swiped through stories, seeing friends on anniversary trips or posting couple selfies, and thought, Why not me? That’s “the one” mentality at work. It tells you your timeline is wrong, your choices are flawed, or worse, that you’re unworthy. There’s no perfect schedule for love. The myth doesn’t leave space for that nuance.
3. Hindered personal growth
Believing in “the one” can quietly stunt our development. Why? When we put all our emotional eggs in one romantic basket, we:
- Rely too heavily on a partner for validation
- Avoid difficult but necessary personal work
- Postpone independence or emotional maturity
Over-reliance leads to disappointment. Or worse, heartbreak that feels like an existential crisis. A friend once told me she stayed in a relationship for two years longer than she should have because she was convinced he was “the one.” He wasn’t. The belief was so strong, she ignored every red flag.
4. Ignoring red flags in the name of destiny
One of the most dangerous side effects of the soulmate narrative is its ability to justify toxicity. If someone believes they’ve found their “one,” they may overlook incompatibilities or even harmful behaviour, brushing it off as “meant to be hard” or “just a rough patch.”
This mindset can lead to staying in unhealthy dynamics far longer than necessary. Red flags become invisible when you’re blinded by fate. Relationships should challenge you. They shouldn’t traumatise you. The idea that true love means enduring pain can lead people to endure far more than they should.
5. Detachment from personal values
Finally, the “one” mentality can subtly shift our priorities. Instead of evaluating whether a relationship aligns with our values and goals, we start focusing on whether it looks perfect to others. That external focus often leads to:
- Seeking validation through relationship status
- Prioritising appearance over substance
- Making decisions based on what others expect, not what you need
This is particularly harmful for Gen Z, who are otherwise deeply committed to authenticity and purpose-driven living.
A healthier alternative: choose, don’t chase
Instead of asking, “Is this person my one?” try asking:
- Do we respect each other’s differences?
- Do we communicate openly?
- Do we both grow individually and together?
- Do we feel emotionally safe?
These questions move love out of fantasy and into real life. Love isn’t about finding someone who completes you, it’s about building something together, intentionally.
As relationship therapist Esther Perel says, “The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life — not the fairy tale.”
Love isn’t destiny, it’s a daily decision
Letting go of “the one” doesn’t mean giving up on romance. It means freeing yourself from the shackles of perfection. It means making room for authenticity, imperfection and emotional growth.
Gen Z is rewriting the script. They’re choosing compatibility over fantasy, values over validation, and mutual growth over magical thinking.
So instead of searching for “the one,” maybe it’s time to look for someone you can grow with, laugh with, mess up with, and love anyway. That’s not a downgrade from destiny. That’s real.
FAQs about “the one” mentality
Why is “the one” mentality bad for relationships?
It frames love as destiny instead of decision-making, which inflates expectations, fuels comparison through social media, and makes red flags easier to ignore. The result is anxiety on top of an already stressed generation, not stronger relationships.
What should Gen Z look for in a partner instead of a soulmate?
Shared values, mutual growth, emotional authenticity and consistent communication. Ask whether you respect each other’s differences, talk openly, grow individually and together, and feel emotionally safe. Those four checks beat any romance trope.
How does social media fuel the soulmate myth?
Curated couple reels on Instagram and montage proposal stories on TikTok make love look effortless and aesthetic, every single time. That sets a comparison standard real relationships can’t match, which leads to FOMO, doubt and low self-esteem.
How do you stop comparing your relationship to others online?
Limit time on couple-content feeds, mute accounts that trigger the spiral, and audit your own “highlight reel” bias. Most posts you envy are 30 curated seconds out of a complicated week.
